It is okay to need gentleness.
Surely there are no options outside of insurance, right? Wrong!
We need change. This is non-negotiable.
The thing about mental illness is that it can act like a giant magnet, completely skewing your internal emotional compass so that it's hard to distinguish between symptoms and regular emotions.
I'm grateful to my terrific therapist, my wonderful husband, my relentlessly supportive friends, and I'm grateful to myself, for doing this difficult work.
I feel like my brain is just constantly processing and coping and that's great, really, my life is so much better now than it was five or even just one year ago because of this, but the result is just constant exhaustion.
I'm a freezer. My brain has learned that fighting almost always makes the situation worse, and running betrays the panic I feel inside which could also make things worse, so I just freeze up.
How seriously are you supposed to take these kinds of thoughts when you know you don't really want to die, but at the same time, the idea of continuing to exist as your horrible self fills you with dread and rage?
When it comes to my anger, one of my best tools is actually Dungeons and Dragons.
You can sit wherever you want. No, really.