The thing about mental illness is that it can act like a giant magnet, completely skewing your internal emotional compass so that it's hard to distinguish between symptoms and regular emotions.
I'm grateful to my terrific therapist, my wonderful husband, my relentlessly supportive friends, and I'm grateful to myself, for doing this difficult work.
I've heard this saying a lot, and I really like the idea of it, but actually doing it...that's another story.
I feel like my brain is just constantly processing and coping and that's great, really, my life is so much better now than it was five or even just one year ago because of this, but the result is just constant exhaustion.
I'm a freezer. My brain has learned that fighting almost always makes the situation worse, and running betrays the panic I feel inside which could also make things worse, so I just freeze up.
I take a LOT of naps.
I'm with you in the painfully liminal space of recovery.
Toxic shame, also known as internalized shame, is, frankly, a bitch.
It's okay if it takes some time to figure out what's going on in your brain. Maybe if I tell you these things, I'll believe them too.
Sometimes I don’t hear what people actually say at all. All I hear what my internalized shame tells me they’re saying.