I can't help but feel like I'm doing something terribly wrong.
Now I'm trying to embrace my dramatic and weird, trying to be myself, but I've spent so long hiding myself and shape-shifting for other people that I have no idea who that is.
I have a really hard time letting go of my excessive control over my impulses, and it makes it hard to just be a person.
I'm grateful to my terrific therapist, my wonderful husband, my relentlessly supportive friends, and I'm grateful to myself, for doing this difficult work.
When it comes to coping with difficult emotions, changing your hair is a relatively safe, low-risk option.
I feel like my brain is just constantly processing and coping and that's great, really, my life is so much better now than it was five or even just one year ago because of this, but the result is just constant exhaustion.
I'm a freezer. My brain has learned that fighting almost always makes the situation worse, and running betrays the panic I feel inside which could also make things worse, so I just freeze up.
Overall, life has been really good lately. Chaotic and full of big changes, sure, but good in that way that makes your soul feel warm.
How seriously are you supposed to take these kinds of thoughts when you know you don't really want to die, but at the same time, the idea of continuing to exist as your horrible self fills you with dread and rage?
When it comes to my anger, one of my best tools is actually Dungeons and Dragons.