This morning, I woke up to the warmth of sunshine filtering through the curtains in our bedroom, rolled over to check the baby monitor and saw my son still fast asleep. I scrolled through my phone for a while, sure he would wake up any minute, but after half an hour I realized maybe I had this morning to myself. So I did something I never do: I got up, made coffee, and started reading a book I bought nearly a year ago and have been meaning to read forever.
I sipped my coffee, underlined moments of meaning throughout the book, and felt an overwhelming sense of peace. These have not been peaceful times. My days are largely filled with the screaming of an angry, teething baby as I try to squeeze in a few hours of work each day. We go for walks, we take drives to nowhere, but for the most part, it’s just the screaming and the working and then the sweet, blissful sleep.
But today started different, and now I am holding a very delicate sense of peace in my center. It’s like a tiny ball of gentle energy, steadily giving me the nudge I need to not just get through my day, but actually enjoy it. I took a luxuriously hot shower, played with my son without any distractions, cleaned up lunch dishes, ran a load of laundry, and instead of feeling overwhelmed or exhausted, I felt…full. I feel like I’m living a life well-lived, for the first time in a long time.
And all it took was a cup of coffee and a few minutes with a good book. I’ve never been very good at creating new habits, but I may have to try to start my days like this more often. Not because being a morning person makes me “good” or “interesting,” and not because I want to prove to myself that I have enough self-discipline to implement a new habit, but because I want this sense of peace to linger with me each and every day.
If your days are filled with screaming and chores and work and the ever-thinning strand of sanity holding it all together, know that I’m with you. This has been a moment of peace in the middle of an almighty shitstorm, believe me. But maybe there is hope for us. Maybe even in the midst of a pandemic that is straining us on a practical level and awakening some very real existential fears at the same time, we can still find moments like these that can sustain us.
Have you had any moments of peace lately? Feel free to share them in the comments below, I would love to hear about what peace looks like for you.