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motherhood, things you might find funny

Pregnancy is Expensive, As Told By GIFs

Okay, everyone knows having a baby is expensive, but did you know simply being pregnant is also expensive as hell? Here I was, thinking we had 9 months to save up for the babes, but in reality, these 9 months have involved increased spending across the board, on things like…

1. Toilet Paper

Okay, obviously I knew that pregnant people pee a million times a day, but I never really put two and two together about how that would affect the amount of toilet paper you go through. I mean, holy cow. I know toilet talk isn’t pretty, so I’ll keep this section brief, just know that if you’re pregnant or looking to get pregnant, your toilet paper usage and expenses WILL go up.

2. Doctor’s Visits

This is another obvious one, but unless you have a chronic condition of some sort and are used to going to the doctor regularly, it can still come as a bit of a shock when all the sudden you need to see the doctor once a month and get an ultrasound once a month and any additional visits if they find anything odd or wrong at those regular visits. And then at the end you have to go even more often. It’s nuts, both scheduling-wise and money-wise. Even though my husband and I have pretty good insurance, it’s definitely still a bit stressful.

3. Cravings

If you’re pregnant or planning to be pregnant, do yourself a favor and set aside a very liberal amount of money every month for snacks. Just, whatever snacks may come to mind. Keep snacks around the house, but also be prepared to make random runs for those intensely specific cravings. Two days ago, I literally got up at midnight and drove to Walmart specifically to buy cosmic brownies and sour gummy worms. Did I have horrible acid reflux that night? Oh, you betcha. But it was delicious and perfect and I regret nothing.

4. Eating Out

On another food related note, it’s a good idea to increase your eating out budget while pregnant if you can. I work from home, so I typically make dinner, and in the past that has been no problem. But in the third trimester, I’m finding that we are eating out more and more. There are just so many baby things that need done, and pregnancy brain makes organizing even the simplest things, like a meal, suddenly super impossible, and all you wanna do is order takeout and sit in a comfy recliner. If you can afford it, give yourself that luxury every once in a while, it is glorious.

5. Clothes

Leggings and oversized shirts will work for a while, but eventually, you really do need to buy maternity clothes, and they aren’t always cheap. I’m super lucky and got a lot of mine from relatives who kept their old clothes, but I did buy some from the store and it got pricey fast. This is one of those costs that you might know is coming, but the amount can still take you by surprise. Whenever possible, thrift, borrow, or buy used. After all, people only wear them for a few months, so they typically don’t take much wear and tear.

6. Late Fees

Pregnancy brain is a BITCH. You will forget literally everything. If you were already incredibly scatterbrained before getting pregnant, like me, you will be amazed at the new levels of stupid your brain can get to. Yesterday, it took me 20 minuets to wrap a singular present, in a completely normal-shaped box, and I still utterly fucked it up. Like…how? Anyway, this newfound brainlessness could very well take a toll on your finances if you aren’t careful. If you don’t already have them, set up notifications in your phone to make sure you’re paying all of your bills on time, or put your partner in charge of the bills while your brain is being destroyed by hormones. Avoid the late fees whenever possible because they’re just one more expense you really can’t afford right now, and they can hurt your credit long-term. If you slip up, try calling the business and just explaining your situation. I’ve never cried to a customer service person, per se, but I have made sure to sound extra pathetic and apologetic, and oftentimes that will help get you off the hook. If you’re super pregnant, it also might help to physically go to the place of business if they have an office near you. Looking like a deeply uncomfortable whale has its advantages when it comes to gaining people’s sympathy.

7. Impulse-Buying Adorable Baby Outfits

Stay away from Target. Do whatever it takes. Send your partner, send your mom, order online, chain yourself to a chair, just do not physically go into a Target, because if you do, you will spend an ungodly amount of money on adorable baby clothes that you do not need. Trust me, your friends and relatives will buy you plenty of cute stuff. Stay. Away.

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